i hope you stay, american baby.

third hour, in the fucking LMC. God damn i fucking hate this place. i used to love it to pieces, but i cannot stand the cunt that calls herself the librarian. Anyhoo. Josh and i decided that we were going to be late today. I completely skipped first hour, and shouldn't have, because apparently we had a substitute and watched a film about convicts or something that was highly entertaining. ah well, shit happens. Karma, really.
So tomorrow i get to sleep, thank baby jesus and bhudda. Today i really desperately just wanted to sleep, i didn't even shower so that i could sleep in a little. Tomorrow i'm not getting up for anyone until i'm good and ready. Sleep deprivation should be, like, against the law. i should sue the school because of it. BASTARDS!
okay there's my rant. Dad said that we're going to Nakoosa on the fourteenth to likely get wood. Basically i'm just gonna sit in the great outdoors listening to music and whatnot. It's better than going to school, especially on a day like that, where i'll be a goddamn wreck of a human. Dad's not gonna give me the car. I asked him if i could pay for it once i got a job, and he said no. Fucker. I'm really quite pissed, but at the same time i understand. I'll get a car after i get a job and save a bit of money. Dad better pay for half of it, or else... well i don't know what else, but i'll be dangerously pissed!
I want to do something fun this weekend, but without a car that's virtually impossible. David won't be here until monday night, and i don't know... i suppose i could call Josh and Kaitlyn, but i feel like i'm mooching off them a lot. Perhaps i'll sit on the computer all weekend. I need to get those damn photos printed out... i don't know why the fuck dad can't do it himself, as i'll likely fuck something up terribly and my face will come out bright green or something. Oh well. I want to fuck about with my myspace as well, and make it cooler. I'll maybe make another collage of junk for my wall... I've got all those photos in that folder that i printed off at the beginning of the year, after all. And i have an essay to write on Cinderella... which should be a hoot and a half.
Sunday dad and i are gonna clean out the basement, which should be interesting. i'll likely end up killing myself. i want to, because i'd like to be able to have that area all nice and whatever so that i can have a nice warm spot in the house to sit in the cold-ass winter. But i don't know dad's plans for it. He wants to get a new bed, so i want him to put the old bed downstairs so that it can be like another spare bedroom for when Jeremy and Melissa come home, and Tami as well. That way Tami can sleep upstairs in the small bed and Jeremy can have the big nice one. I'm thinking of re-arranging the room upstairs so that it doesn't look so stupid. The layout is fucked up, the bed is in the middle of the room... I should also clean out the attic. I wish Dad would let me re-arrange the furniture in the living room. Mom would be going insane, she'd have changed it like eight times by now. It really bothers me.
The class is going to end soon, and then i'm off to Intro To Law, the class that i didn't sign up for. Oh well, it's pretty damn easy. Cheers for now.

a long time

it's been a while, i know. But i've been busy and not really on the computer. It was my birthday on the fifteenth, and that was alright. the sunday before that i celebrated with my family. Mandy spent like a load of money on me, as well as she took Josh and i to the packer game. Sad, but true...we had fun.
My dad got me a record player, finally, and that was wonderful. I've been using it virtually nonstop, and i fucking love records! they're so much more intimate, you know? I love the smell of the vinyl as well. I bought Beatles' Abbey Road and Yo La Tengo's "i am not afraid of you and i will beat your ass", which is bloody brilliant. I've been really into Yo La Tengo lately. I also got back all my records from breanna, and she didn't even put up a fight! i couldn't believe it, i thought that i was gonna have to put up my fists and begin to duel, but alas! peace ensued! Which is always nice when you don't feel like fighting for anything.
Here i sit now, in third hour study hall on Bielen's computer in her room because she's gone to get lunch and i'm protecting her room from burglars and freshmen. The sophomores hve their gay-ass testing, WKCE or whatever, to do this morning and tomorrow morning, so i get to come to class late and not be marked tardy. Then on Thursday and Friday i've got off!! hurray!!
Dad told me yesterday while we were grocery shopping (oh god i'm so fucking hungry....but i need to save my money for smokes, so...oh balls!) He told me that he was gonna take off for mom's birthday next month, and i was like oh gott, because it falls on a wednesday... we might go somewhere. bee's back, check in later.

Monday, fucking Monday.

oh sweet Big G, why the hell did you invent Mondays? Was it even you who did this awful thing? Or was it like, the Romans or something, who invented everything else? Hmm...

Actually, for a monday, it was quite lovely. Josh and i went to Auto Haus on Velp and test-drove an arseload of cars with cute dealer boy Pete. I'd love to get into Pete's pants, but sadly it would be illegal as i am underage for another week and he's got a girlfriend, apparently. Sadface, i know. But girlfriends can always be taken out.

anyhoo. i met this boy brandon on myspace, right?
and he ends up being my really sweet and cute and funny and so-into-me ex-next-door-neighbor!
so hooray for me.

i've been talking to him for a few hours now. he's so sweet and funny.
but he won't call me which is weird. but oh well.

my back is killing me so gute nacht, meine pallies.

Fabulously Exhausted.

Seriously. What the hell is up with people insisting that i wake up in the morning? I hate those people, and they should die. I actually called myself in so that i could get an extra hour of sleep this morning. That's how sad my life is.
Today i went to my sister's after school with dad so that i could watch the kids whilst she got some running about done and rob and dad got wood. and seriousl! those kids are too fucking cute. Ty is starting to want to crawl, which is good, and riley's way smarter than all the other two-year-olds of this world.
The librarian kicked Josh and i out last week Friday and i got wrote up for not going back to study hall, the cunt. So apparently, the bastards are supposed to send referrals to the parental units, only i didn't know about this until this year, because in previous years i've had Draheim, the wonder-principal, and gorgeous guy, to save me from bitches like her. but he's gone now and i've got a dumbass gay man for a principal. He wants me to APOLOGISE to the fucking librarian!! for talking in the library! seriously. no. i will not. is what i should've said. instead i lied and told him i would. watch me get written up for that too. what is this world coming to? i can't wait to get the fuck out of that hellhole. i'll admit, i'll miss most of the teachers and a lot of the kids, but i will not miss the politics. bastards.
I love mixdiscs and soundtracks. Especially soundtracks that have some dialogue from the film adapted into part of the song (preferably the beginning or end). I love making mixdiscs as well. It's like my favourite pastime.
Tomorrow i've got to go to my senior meeting thing. Which i want to cut myself over, emo-style. I really don't like going into my counselor's office, it reminds me of being interrogated and i always come out feeling like shit. I'm debating just going in there to talk about my maths class and then being like i can deal with the rest of the crap on my own, i don't need your help and i don't see why you need to know what i'm gonna do with my life. because no matter what i say, it'll change in a year or less anyway. I'm taking a year off to find myself and breathe. Then, if i havn't found where i want to live andwork, i will likely pay (through my ass) my way through uni. That's really all you need to know, because i know you don't care anyway. ...Actually, prehaps i will work up the nerve to tell him that. or maybe i'll write it in a letter. We shall see.
I miss Benjamin desperately. I wish he'd come home for my birthday, because it seems like i havn't seen him in years. I seriously love him, and totes want to marry him.
Then tomorrow after school i hang with Josh.
Thursday, mom'd friend Barb is coming to take me shopping and then she's taking dad and i out for dinner. I'm totes excited, i really like Barb, and it'll give me a chane for some actual time with someoneelse other than Josh.
Jesus i miss Ben. It's not like i don't love Josh, but i'd really love to just hang with someone else. Chris won't answer his phone since i fucked him, i've broken up with Jeff... ugh.

Off i go to beddy.

OMG! JOSH JUST CALLED! APPARENTLY BEN'S COMING HOME FOR MY BDAY AND HE BOUGHT ME A RING! ....wait. he bought me a ring?? holy shit. he's gay. at least he was when he left. what the hell???

It's Tuesday.

My day went suprisingly well. I'm almost a bit concerned about it, really, as i rarely have this decent of a day. I should really take days off more often than this, it's a beautiful thing. Dangerously beautiful.



I'll start with yesterday, because it was alrighty. i woke up much too early, all i wanted to do is go back to sleep. i stayed home, slept until about 11, made lunch and watched Perfume, which is completely insane. then i went upstairs with a huge bowl of cookies and cream ice cream laced with four or five oreos to watch Shaun of the Dead to get me in a better mood. That is one seriously hilarious movie. Then on to the Grocery with Vati, then to Sam's to get a huge thing of nuts because my Vati's an insane nut-eater, and then back home.



Today was much more exciting, i suppose one would say.



In First Hour we watched a Nighline Documentary about "the Lost Boys", about these refugees from the Sudan or whateva. It was pretty interesting, we watched it to get an idea of what culture shock can be, and they had a severe case of culture shock. it was much more interesting to hear their stories of what they'd been through, because they'd seen so much death and so much gore, it was horrible. here's a bit of their story that i found on youtube. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must've been like for them, growing up, simply surviving, with virtually no hope left, danger around every corner, whether it be from guns and people or from claws and lions. When i think about what they've been through i just feel fat and lazy, and it makes me want to do something. But what the fuck can i do? I'm a seventeen year old girl from Wisconsin. What sort of part do i play in the world right now? the answer is that, basically, i don't.



Second hour, Mr Wolcott, the French sub, was there, and he wrote our daily directions on the board IN CODE! He's completely insane, but it's cool. it switched things up a bit, yo. we had to read these really fucked over short stories: One was about this girl named Faye and it was basically part of a raunchy love novel; i thought the "tanned Texan" named Rai or whateva was gonna toss her down and have his way with her at any moment. I was a bit alarmed that we were even reading something like that in class, when i got to the next story. This one was about a woman who was severely depressed and/or psychotic, and therefore needed to be druged and sleep basically all day. in the end of the story her husband walks into her room and finds her dead, which was a nice end to the shitty story about her miserable plight of psychonosity.

Also in Miller's, Reb and Beav got the skit about "decorum" finished. a link is here. It's motherfucking hilarious. PRAISE JESUS!!



Third hour was spent nearly getting kicked out of the Library while planning my Road Trip with Josh. I'm totes Excited, mostly to see Lusk, Seattle, San Fran and Everything on the way to and at Vegas. The LMC whatsit people, the ladies that go "SHH! THIS IS A LIBRARY!" to everyone and threaten to send us back to Study Hall, they were especially grumpy today, which is a switch from last Friday, when we discussed at full volume our road trip with them. Perhaps they need to get laid.



Fourth hour was exceptional, as i had anoter substitute, this one being the South African, Logan Naidoo, who can balance desks and chairs on his finger. We spent all hour "studying", which consitsted of listening to him ramble on about how teaching was his second choice, his first being a writer, but all the writers in South Africa at that time were being brutally abused and such for talking bad about the South African Government and such, which is horrible. When he was eight or five or something like that he moved to England until he was 21, then he came here. he's still a citizen of South Africa, because SA is one of the only countries that doesn't allow joint citizenship, and so he chooses to be a legal alien here, and a citizen there, even though he hasn't lived there in forever and a day. But we had fun listening to him go on and watching him balance things. Tomorrow i have a test in that class, which is horrifying. i hate tests. Especially tests on Law and such like that, because i always blank out and fail.



In Brit Lit we've begun Beowulf, the epic poem-story about a boring egotistical asshole who rips off a monster's arm and hangs it on his cieling. I felt for the monster. The story is indeed epic, but seriously boring. I want to read Oscar Wilde. Miss Sylvester mentioned him today, because one of the Lost Boys asked why men don't hold hands when they walk down the street, because apparently it's common there, showing affection (which i think is seriously awesome) like that, and Sylv. said that it likely was made taboo when Oscar Wilde's trial about his homosexuality was made public and homophobia started. It made me really want to read some Oscar wilde. Which is why i've included so many links to his work and photos and such.

This one's my favourite.



Anyhoo. Dad really hates the cunt what he works with. He came home a bit early for lunch and i asked him how work was going and he was like "i don't even want to talk about it." I'm about ready to go in there and brutally murder Shelly or whatever the fuck her name is. she's a cunt!



In French i nodded off during this horrible movie called Sabrina. The original has Audrey Hepburn in it, but we didn't watch the original, and i wanted to kill myself because the girl was really annoying in the beginning. But instead of killing myself i fell asleep. It's hard not to in a class with all the lights off and no windows.



French, though it is indeed my favourite class and i love madame to pieces, is getting me mowhere fast. i feel like i know nothing, and the German foreign exchange student Patrick, who's had six or so years of Froggie, showed me that miserably. So i'm going to dig about for my library card (or possibly drag dad over there to get a new one...do i have to pay for it?) and pop down to the Libby to get those discs that you repeat after so that i can brush up. Et aussi, i want to learn Spanish, German, and whatever else looks good over there. Then i can put that on my resume, if i ever go anywhere and get a job that requires me to speak a different language. Which i doubt will ever happen, but you never know.



In Maths i fucked about with Ray and made fun of Jordan because he's totes gay. I don't have anything against gays, in fact i love them, but it's just funny because he doesn't know he's gay. So we do the forty-year-old-virgin quote, "you wanna know how i know you're gay?" The teacher was totes out to get us today but Hairo totally stuck up for us. I was like "Note to self: stick up for Hairo if at all possible". It was totes sweet.



After school, Jeff wanted to do something today, but i really just felt like coming home and veggin out, niggas. Seriously. Dad and i went to DQ for dinner because he had a leftover giftcard, and it was a lot of fun. Well, it was a nice dinner, at least. He never once mentioned any of my problems, he was mostly focused on his own. which was depressing but quite a nice change. He really hates his work. I'm tempted to go in there and be like "listen up, cunts, be nice to my daddy or i'll sodomize you with a blow dryer!!!" hahahah i totally just made that up on the spot and it's bloody brilliant, if i don't say so myself. I'm sure the lack of you will agree. But really, i just feel so damn bad for the guy. I mean, he just fucking lost his wife, the least the cunt could be to him is civil. If this keeps up i'll go in there and bitch them out. Cunts.



Speaking of cunts, Rays is out of business. Which sucks my nonexistant cock and hairy ballz. Why? beacuse Bee is putting her foot down with a firm hand or something. i unno really. and she won't tell me who's supposed to take it over. she's such a fuckface sometimes, but i love her still.

Also dad informed me of an acronym for cunt:

C U Next Tuesday. I thought it was brilliant. I'm totally going to use it, because i can go around shouting it at school like some sort of loon on loon tablets and no-one will know.



Well off i go to feed my face some more before blowing off my homework then going to beddy.



Das ist alles for now, folks. Gute nacht, bon soir, erm...ciao.