Overall, not so bad.

I was a horrible person. I don't like who I was, and I'm changing, or trying to change, for the better.

So the next posts are going to be my account of how it's going.

My last post is disgusting; I have a boyfriend that loves me more than I even knew anyone could love me. I shit on him. I stabbed him in the heart, and for what? A bit of attention. I've been living my life as a 17-year-old whore, basically. I'm not gonna do that anymore. I want to work to be the person I want the be, the person I need to be, the person my amazing boyfriend deserves. Because he doesn't deserve to be treated like shit, like I've treated him. And if I continue doing so, then I don't deserve him.

He's too good for me.

I wanna be on par with him, I wanna be the best girlfriend that I possibly can be for him, and I wanna be as GOOD as I possibly can be in the process.

I've learned from my mistakes, which is more than I can say for a lot of people. I've learned from them, and now I need to move on and try to be a better person.

So here I go.

Hello again, blog. It's been awhile.

A LONG while. A lot has changed. But we won't get into that. I'll just pretend you've been here all along. Through thick and thin with me, though you haven't. Which is sad, but true.

I'm unsure what to do with myself these days. I feel like a lost little girl in Wal-mart or the grocer's. I'm ready to go home, but I don't know which way home is. I live in LaCrosse, WI, now. Strange, yeah? I thought I'd be millions of miles away by now, but I'm not.

And on one hand, it's wonderful. I have a boyfriend who loves me above all else.

But on the other, well.

I've been thinking lately about when I was in high school and I thought that I'd be engaged to an Irishman or someone with an equally sexy accent by now, and we'd get married and I'd be doing something awesome, like writing for a magazine, or something of that sort, and we'd have a couple of super-smart children, and they'd learn seven million different languages with me, and we'd be awesome together.

Well, I'm not across an ocean. I'm not engaged to a boy with an accent, unless you count Midwestern as an accent. I'm jobless. I have an interview at JCPenney on Monday.

This is my sad life. This is what I have to look forward to.

I wish I could jump off a building an